Torture By Twilight
by Niknakz93
Summary: Gabriel and a Twilight book. Not a good pairing to be in the same room with as Balthazar soon finds out. Just some funny torturing by Twilight! One shot! No Slash! Reviews loved!


**The Nightmare Before Twilight**

Balthazar was at his vessels chateau in Paris, enjoying the Parisian sunlight and day off from the turmoil of the damn civil war.

He raised a glass of wine now and took a sip, placing it back down on the table, closing his eyes again, feeling the soft breeze waft through the valley.

A picture of art.

Later on when he went inside, there was a crash and he scowled- if it was human burglers, they were in for a nasty shock when they got zapped.

He went into the main room now then lowered his sunglasses with a frown.

"Is that-?"

He frowned again at the man laid out on his sofa, a book in his hand. "Sorry about the vase." he said, and Balthazar hissed. "That was a priceless Ming vase you dick! Now get out!"

Gabriel closed his book and pouted. "That's no way to talk to your elder."

"Elder my ass. Out."

"Nope." he just said, then opened his book, and Balthazar gaped in horror. "You like Twilight-?"

Gabriel scowled now. "Hell no! But it's good for finding out crap about gay vampires that sparkle."

"AKA you like it."

"Get lost."

"Excuse moi-? I live here. Now out before I make you."

Gabriel set his book aside now and said with a raised eyebrow. "Oh? Still jealous are we?"

"Of what."

"That I got the better vessel."

Balthazar put his sunglasses ontop of his head now, then laughed. "That? You're so short I could use you as a stool!"

"At least I don't wear French knickers. Lacy are they?"

Balthazar went for him now, but the archangel vanished and he landed on the sofa, where the archangel in question just sat on his back and said. "Shush Balthy, trying to read here."

"Get your fat ass of my back now!"

"You never said "Please""

"I'll give you please-!"

"Say it and I'll get off."

"Never."

Gabriel smirked and opened the Twilight book again and said. "Right then, where were we? Oh yeah. "Oh Edward! Kiss me you sparkly dick!""

"That's not even the words!"

"And how would you know? Now shush- "Oh Bella, I'm a 107 year old virgin because I can't get it up and I have no heartbeat, so how the hell did I get you pregnant? Do I have a permanany bo-?""

"Shut the hell up!"

"Say Please."

"No."

"Ok then. "Oh Edward, if your entire body sparkles in the sun, does that mean that you have a disco stick? We should go clubbing!""

Balthazar shook his head- he'd never plead with the annoyance that was Gabriel. Not for anything.

"Want more?"

"Go for it (!)"

"Ok then! "Oh Edward, Jacob... it's such a hard choice... Necrophilia or doggy style?""

_"Gabriel!"_

"How about some lyrics then Edward? Lady Gaga is pretty good with them. "Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!"

"Don't you dare-!"

_"Don't think too much just bust that stick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!"_

_"Stop it! Fine! Please!"_

"Like a virgin, touched for the first tim- did you-? Well done Balthy! Collect 200 (!)"

He got off him now and smirked. "I bet you liked that didn't you?"

Balthazar was more than livid by now and he blasted the archangel back through the opulent French windows and into the swimming pool. Gabriel coughed now, moving the hair from his eyes and scowled. "You dick!"

But the other angel said now with a snarl. "Says the one that kept quoting Twilight!"

Gabriel got out the pool now, wringing his shirt, then snapped his fingers, making the other angel go crashing into the pool. Balthazar now yelled. "This is designer-!"

"My ass! More like from a charity shop!"

Balthazar got out the pool now and the pair stood dripping, Balthazar taking his busted sunglasses from within his hair, then threw them at the archangel. "You were always a dick Gabe!"

"Says the one that almost had a nervous breakdown when Michael walked by."

"I did not-!"

"Oh yeah? I got a good few witnesses. Why don't you ask Castiel? Or should I tell the Winchesters? Im sure they'd find it rather amusing."

"Screw you ever since you tied me to that damn chair and made me watch _Titanic-! I hate that film-!_"

_"So?"_

Balthazar just gave up and turned away, listening to Gabriel giggling like an imbecile.

He never changed.

**Another little drabble/short story with Lover-Fighter-Writer. Twilight! Argh! Hate it(: nothing worse than being forced to see New moon, then the screen starts jumping at the snogging part:l scars a person for life lmao! Reviews much loved! x**


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